Retreat

a meditation, poem, and study in site-specific improvisation

It all started in the High Sierras where I spent a long weekend with my family in a cabin on the very remote Lake Edison. I had no access to distraction; I was completely in the presence of God and creation. Here I found the “discomfort of exposure” inviting me to know God’s love more deeply. I was also enthralled with Luke 11:33-36, so interested in what it might mean for the eye to be the lamp of my body—what this might have to say to my current process and wrestles.

I decided to dance in response, filming and playing in the beauty of the natural world.

Upon returning, I awoke the next morning stunned that I could feel the silence and freshness of that place in my very body. I’d carried it home with me, and so I wrote a poem capturing that sensation.

These pieces began to culminate in the first term of my spiritual direction training through Nuos Formation, making me curious what it might look like to create a companion to retreat for others: a meditation to invite you into the same goodness of God’s loving eyes piercing you, giving you eyes to see.

Below, I offer a video meditation alongside the poem “The Eye is the Lamp of the Body” and the screendance Retreat. May you be blessed in the discomfort of exposure where God’s loving gaze pierces through it all.

The Video Compilation

“The Eye is the Lamp of the Body”

The forest, the woods;

I wake after the long

journey home, back

into the folds of civilized

man-made city-scapes,

and I feel it still

in my bones: the great

stillness of God’s inhale,

then the glory of His exhale

in the warm pine,

the frigid lake,

the bluebird startling me

with delight.

Oh, the eye is the lamp,

and what light there is

when pristine, alpine waters

cover me as I dive in,

then dry off,

walking back to the cabin

covered in dust and a smile.

I saw clearly there.

I sensed all my joy,

and all the shame

I stuffed down, but then

the sun rose and warmed me,

and I saw the Son,

the Man of Glory,

the One I love—

and He was looking at me,

my essence and sin;

I was loved

in the discomfort of exposure.

How easy it is to let

the darkness be great,

to close my eyes

and sense nothing;

to compete and prove,

to grasp and amass

some fickle security.

How clean, how uncomfortable

how fresh and whole

and holy to turn on the light,

sit in the silence

and behold my soul breathing

in God’s great exhale.

 “No one lights a lamp, then hides it in a drawer. It’s put on a lamp stand so those entering the room have light to see where they’re going. Your eye is a lamp, lighting up your whole body. If you live wide-eyed in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a musty cellar. Keep your eyes open, your lamp burning, so you don’t get musty and murky. Keep your life as well-lighted as your best-lighted room.”

Luke 11:33-36 (The Message)